I get a lot of questions from parents about how to get a partner more involved or engaged in what’s happening with their differently wired kids. Many of these emails I get talk about partners who are checked-out, don’t know how to relate to their kids, are reluctant to tap into resources the other parent has found so helpful, or simply might not acknowledge there is any sort of neurodifference that needs to be addressed.

So I asked my husband Derin to come onto the show for a second time (listen to our first conversation here) to see if he has any thoughts on how to address these concerns, as in our relationship, he was the one who was lagging behind in many of these areas and for many years. As it turns out, he does. So that’s what we get into in this episode.

Lastly, Derin and I do our best to not frame this conversation in a way that reinforces traditional gender roles and traditional family make-ups. I know we have many families in the TiLT community who are in same sex relationships or in cases where relationships are heteronormative, the father is the primary caregiver or homeschool parent or the one who is more engaged and in-tune with the differently wired kids than the mother is. With that being said, the vast majority of who I hear from regarding challenges surrounding getting a co-parent on board and designing that alliance, is women who are struggling to get their husbands or ex-husbands on the same page. Regardless of where you are in these complicated relationships, I hope that you find our conversation useful.


About Derin: Derin Basden is TiLT Parenting founder Debbie Reber’s husband and 14-year-old Asher’s dad. He work in program management, operations, and technology. In his “spare” time, he develops popular mods for Minecraft, runs half-marathons, and spends time with his family.




  • What Derin’s journey of being a less engaged parent to a highly engaged one looked like
  • What might be causing resistance in a partner to tap into the available resources that could support better understanding a child’s wiring
  • What a partner who is “lagging behind” in terms of awareness and strategies for supporting a child might need from their partner to help them get on the same page
  • How Derin consciously deepened his relationship with Asher by finding a common area of interest
  • What Derin thinks made the biggest difference in terms of truly bonding with Asher and redefining their relationship





Read through the whole episode!






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