This is another one of those “very special Brady episodes,” in that I’m bringing my husband Derin onto the show for a super honest, super vulnerable conversation between the two of us about our journey as a couple navigating parenting a differently-wired child.
I’ve been wanting to do this episode for quite a while, and in fact I get a lot of requests for an episode covering this very topic. I’ll be honest—Derin was a little nervous to sit in the hot seat, but I’m really happy with how this episode turned out because I know that figuring how to be a good partner while raising an atypical kid can be incredibly challenging, especially because both people are going through their own individual process in figuring it out. But at the same time, it’s so important for the child and for the survival of the family that partners find a way to work with each other instead of against, and unfortunately, the latter can so often be the default when we’re feeling tired or stressed or overwhelmed.
Also—if after listening to this episode you have further questions or topics you’d like us to tackle regarding our co-parenting journey, please leave a comment below. I’m “pretty” sure I’ll be able to convince Derin to come back on again, and I’d love to keep this conversation going and also make sure we’re sharing the kinds of insights that might be truly helpful to you and your family.
About Derin: Derin Basden is TiLT Parenting founder Debbie Reber’s husband and 12-year-old Asher’s dad. He works as the Senior Director for Global Program Management for Philips. In his “spare” time he develops popular mods for Minecraft, runs half-marathons, and spends time with his family.
THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
- What it was like from Derin’s perspective to be the “less-involved” parent when it came to advocacy and getting support for Asher
- How Debbie and Derin dealt with communication (and other) challenges to become more united, collaborative co-parents
- The benefits and challenges of raising a child who shares similar traits and tendencies
- How Derin changed his parenting style to better support and embrace who Asher is
- What Derin struggled with most in coming to accept having a differently-wired child
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson
I enjoyed listening to Darin’s version of getting involved with the parenting of Asher and how your marriage and your relationship as a family improved by learning strategies and being honest about the ways he and you changed in adapting to raising a differently wired child which no one is expecting, but which happens more frequently than people imagine. Knowing the family through these podcasts is a way of getting involved and appreciating the objectives of the Tilt parenting movement. The honesty and the determination displayed by the three of you give credibility and inspiration to your listeners who share some of the same challenges.
Wow. Thanks Darin for sharing!
I have been doing the “single parent” thing (despite being married) and it is just so SO hard. I realise after listening to you how much I have contributed to that situation and how I have been making it harder for dad to get involved.
Our differently wired daughter is nine now, and her “symptoms” are often far less visible than those of differently wired boys her age, which makes it harder for dad – who is away at work a lot – to remember that she needs our constant support. Thing is, I wasn’t doing a good job of reminding him – berating and cajoling are good positive techniques right? 😉
Keep doing what you’re doing Debbie, it is making a difference to people’s lives – even all the way here in Australia!
Thanks so much for your note, Sophie! So glad to have you in our audience, and to hear that this episode resonated. <3
Aaaagh! Thank you so much for this. I just learned about you from a friend w a son on the spectrum. My daughter is 11 and was diagnosed at 9. It’s so validating to listen to both of you. This was the story of our family, too. Just amazing to hear it spoken aloud. Thanks!
I’m so glad to hear it, Miranda <3
Thank you for this! We are in the midst of our dark years, and your journey is so familiar to me. I loved hearing y’all talk about the hard times in a manner that says you made it through … together. It gives me hope when, for myself, I can’t see a way through our dark time. Thanks again!!